The Emotional Weight of Being a Manager
One of the most difficult transitions people experience in their careers is moving into management. Suddenly your job isn’t just about doing the work — it’s about making decisions that affect other people’s lives.
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Feedback from my manager in a performance review— need an outlet
New Manager
I’m a new manager (about only 1 year independent in the role) and I had a performance review recently. My manager told me that he can tell that it would be beneficial for me to have an outlet because emotionally, a lot of what we do seems to impact me. Otherwise, I was very happy with the performance review, no real critiques of my process thus far.
He’s correct that I have a lot of what we do stick with me. I am about to term 4 people for something, and I can’t help but feel… heavy. I can’t just ignore that emotional weight. They messed up bad (legally), so I know it has to happen. And yet, I feel responsible for upending someone’s life. I know I’m following rules/policy/law etc etc, but having to be the one to do it never feels normal.
What outlet can make this easier for me? I’ve done therapy before, it wasn’t very successful. I feel at a loss besides just trying to almost bury my emotions deep inside of me, but in regular life circumstances I already have this tendency and it isn’t exactly healthy either.
This might not actually be a therapy question. You might benefit more from career coaching.
Coaching isn’t just about finding a new job. It’s about growing your career and learning how to operate inside the roles you already have.
Most professionals are taught how to build skills. We learn the technical side of our jobs, how to follow procedures, and how to execute tasks. What we are almost never taught is how to manage the emotional reality of leadership.
Managers have to hold difficult information. We make decisions that affect other people’s income, stability, and sometimes their families. That weight doesn’t disappear just because a policy or the law says the decision is correct.
What you’re feeling is normal. In fact, it’s often a sign that you’re taking the responsibility seriously.
The challenge is learning how to carry that responsibility without letting it slowly shut you down. Many managers cope by suppressing their emotions or distancing themselves from their teams. Others burn out entirely.
Working with a coach gives you a place to process these moments. Not to avoid them, but to gain perspective on them. Together you can define your values as a leader and learn how to apply them when difficult decisions have to be made.
When managers are clear about their values and priorities, they can move forward with far more confidence. They can make hard decisions, communicate them honestly, and still maintain respect for the people involved.
In all honesty, this is a problem many of my clients face. We spend time defining what kind of leader they want to be and how to act in alignment with that. Once that foundation is clear, those difficult moments become far easier to navigate.
My Executive Coaching Program helps leaders process difficult decisions, define their values, and lead with clarity when the stakes are high.
Learn about Executive Coaching
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